Testing Posting Access

I want to try to blog more because at the most random times are when I think "I should put that up." So during my breaks at work (or any time I feel like it at work, actually) I am going to attempt to blog. I'm testing my email access....... :)

Whatcha Think??

My employer has this "point" bank where we receive points if someone (boss, coworker, other management) thinks we've done a good job, he or she can award us points. Each point is the equivalent to 1 US Dollar. Last year, I used 500 points to buy XMas gifts and it really came in handy.

I currently have 562 points and I want to buy something for myself because I've been feeling semi "empty" lately. Treating myself on my company's dime seems like it might make me feel better. I listed a few things below that I kind of had my eye on:

• Flip or Aiptek mini camcorder (179 - 198 points)
• Propane Grill (384 - 417 points)
• Roomba Vacuum (385 - 418 points)
• Elliptical Trainer (425 points)
• Color laser printer (407 - 449 points)
• 26" Samsung LCD TV (467 points)
• GPS Unit - Garmin or Sonocaddie (220 - 468 points)
• $500 Destination Giftcard - Travelocity, Carnival Cruises, etc...
• $550 AmEx Gift Card

I'm leaning towards a color laser printer or a GPS. What do you think I should get? Keep in mind my points also have to pay for shipping and handling. It's kind of dumb, but hey... if I get $450 worth of electronics and all I have to pay for is shipping + taxes, then, I think it's worth it!

My wardrobe comes in waves, you see...

Yesterday I put on a white polo shirt and everything was pretty "B.A.U." as work seems to describe it. (Business As Usual for the acronym-challenged.)

As I walked up to my reclining husband to interrupt his usual Twittering and FBing to steal a kiss, he said, "Hey, your shirt has a tear in it."

"WHAT???" I blurted out. When I looked down, there it was. A huge rip across the area that would expose my areola had it not been covered by a bra.

My first immediate thought was, "Dammit. Now I have to go shopping for more shirts." Not that I don't enjoy shopping; it's fun! I just don't enjoy shopping when I'm fat. And lately, I've been fat.

But this leads me to my title and my wardrobe waves. I end up getting new clothes for one of three reasons:

• Mom gets me stuff she sees on sale. Usually she is spot on with stuff that is professional. However, this last time was a flop. I can't bring myself to even think about wearing it. It's a red 3/4th sleeved sweater with Scottie terriers on it. It either screams "old lady" or "elementary school teacher" to which I am neither.
• I gain or lose weight.
• Wardrobe malfunctions (as described above).

This means I need to be more proactive about my shopping. Ultimately, whether I am big or small is inconsequential if I only have 3 pairs of pants to wear for work. So I need to make it a goal to visit DSW at least every month and DIllard's or some other similar store every 2 weeks. I have to start replacing some of my old threads.

Which makes me wonder; I wore that shirt to work last week. Did it have the rip then? Only my coworkers know the answer to that one.

Earbuds

Most people can wear their headphones at work, but I cannot. It's a bullshit rule why we can't, but it's related to data privacy. Anyway, I would really love to listen to something rather than listen to my coworkers blab, loudly, about anything and everything.

So I've been searching online to see if someone makes wireless earbuds for the iPod. The good news is that Sennheiser does make one.



The bad news is that it's $400! :(

If you're interested in them, here ya go --> http://bit.ly/tmmXh

Now, on top of everything else, I'll have to start a "Earbud" fund. Not good, when I'm dying for a break from my coworker's noise.

Holy Sh**, I need to update!

So lately, I've had like a whirlwind of thoughts in my head, and I haven't blogged a thing. Not that anyone is really all that interested in my life, but I can pretend people are. :)

A few things going on:

• Taking the Capstone for my Masters. Final presentation next Monday night and then I'll officially be done! I'm looking forward to going on a celebratory vacay. I wanted to go to Puerto Rico, but needed to pick something stateside for cost reasons.


• Layoffs happening at work; I won't be affected, but I'm sad one of my coworkers is leaving. :( I've reworked my resume for a more targeted HR role, but I don't know how much it will help. I read SHRMs "LINE" report for Q1 of 2009 - not looking too great. And of the people who *are* getting jobs, they are settling for lower compensation. Guess I should be happy to be employed!


• Trying to keep my weight in check. Have lost 14 pounds in the last 2 months, with hopes of another 8 pounds by graduation day. :) I'm thinking of buying training sessions again.


• I will turn 30 next month! Looking forward to it, but I'm not sure hubs will plan anything big.


• Finished my garden bed finally. Hoping for some great veggies and fruit! This year I planted cucumbers, squash, cantaloupe, basil, parsley, dill, lettuce, arugula, jalapenos, cherry tomatoes, grape tomatoes, green onions, and banana peppers. Nothing beats organic veggies, eh? And the satisfaction of knowing *I* grew it is worth it.


• Bought a coffee table, finally. It's not completely what I wanted, but hey, it's not a bad starter one. Someday, I will have matching furniture. :P It makes more sense to me now why my parents stuff never matched. But I also bought an entry way table and some HUGE (ie, fully mature) indoor plants on-the-cheap!!!! this weekend. LOVE Plant Interscapes. They sell all the plants that were used in rentals/displays, but the plants are still in good condition. I bought a Tarzan plant/tree for $10! And a fully grown peace lilly for $5!! :D

Well, there are other things going on, but those are the ones that pop out in my head the most.

I better get to bed. My schedule was changed (at the request of my managers) so I better get some sleep! I'm going to try to update this thing as much as I updated my LJ back in the day. After next week, I should have the time!

I'll leave you with some pictures I took this weekend of the flowers/plants around my house.

Get this widget at roytanck.com

Sunday update

So the weight loss is not really coming along as planned. The Thanksgiving holiday interrupted my workouts. I was told it takes 21 days to form a habit.. so, I'm STILL just trying to get into it again. I'm just so heavy. This is the heaviest I've been since I've moved to San Antonio and I just don't find it acceptable anymore. Sigh. 21 days. The Nike Challenge is 50 miles by the end of the year. I think I'm around 7 miles into it. Just need to keep up the 3 miles per workout thing. Hopefully I'll attain it.

On top of that, just trying to push along... keep the house in order and get things straightened up in my life. I am going back to the feelings I had when I first came here: I need more friends, specifically girlfriends. I mean, I have friends here... and don't get me wrong, I do love being around them and they are great people. But the bottom line is that they were friends with my husband before they were friends with me. So they are more *his* interests vs. mine. Not saying we don't have common ground, but, that theme holds true for just about all my friends - friends with husband before friends with me. Honestly, there are days I want just a night out with the ladies and I want to go dancing - to a club, not a shitkicker bar. I want someone to go shoe shopping with. Or someone to go take a Saturday cooking class with. Hell, even something crafty that Michael's has going. Or a group of friends that say, "Hey we're going on a Saturday run/walk/bike - come join." Maybe I need to be around people significantly younger than me because we don't have kids and neither do they. I don't know. I also feel like I am really missing my asian element. And the one Korean store we have here is a good 20 miles and 35 minute ride away. When I lived in Lubbock at least my mom would go with... and she had friends to go places with her.

I also feel gipped. I think it would have been fun to go to a Christmas party, but my company can't pull off anything without charging its employees money and hubs company wasn't any better. In fact, they didn't hold anything off-site and the one time we did go to his company event, we paid $50 for crappy ass food and a white elephant gift exchange. (We ended up with ugly ass paintings that we threw away.)

Ugh. Dunno. This probably doesn't make sense. Not sure why I feel like I am in a funk, just do. Maybe San Antonio isn't the place for me. Too bad we just bought a house and I'm committed to school.

Trying weight loss (seriously) again.

For many of you that know me, you know that I have always battled my weight. When I was a child, I was always the fat girl that the guys "made friends with" because I wasn't much of a threat. I was "cool" but not pretty - and heavier than the beautiful, dainty girls.

I'm one of those people that has to consistently work out or I will gain weight no matter what I eat. For the most part, I hate exercise. I was on the tennis team in high school, but doing anything physical for the team was a serious chore. I was excited when I went to college, because I didn't *have* to do anything physical!

As a result, I ballooned - and not just your freshman 15. I gained 40 pounds my freshman year in college. I was a small 12 when I met and began dating my now husband, but a husky 18 at the end of my freshman year. Part of my issue was never having a *real* boyfriend. I wanted to spend time with him. It seemed we ate out just about every night because that was the only time we could actually be together - I lived at home and so did he. We were unwelcome at my parents house and his dad always ate our groceries.

Fast forward 4 years later (2002) to when I graduated. I put on a happy face (because getting a Bachelor's is a very large accomplishment.) But, it was probably one of the most *unhappy* points in my life. The reason? At my absolute heaviest, I broke the scale at 207 pounds. (Wow. I've never admitted my weight to anyone.) But, here I was, about to "start my life" and I'm HUGE. Finding "professional" looking suits was so incredibly depressing. I stuck to wearing all black, semi stretchy dresses and I had "cankles" that I hated showing off when I wore anything that showed skin.

In 2003, I decided enough was enough. My husband (then boyfriend) moved to San Antonio to find a job. I found myself very bored back in Lubbock. All my friends were in Dallas and my love was 400 miles away. I thought I'd surprise him the next time we saw each other by starting an exercise regimen coupled with eating right. My commitment was high - I even went to the gym on Saturday's. It took me about 7 months to lose 50 pounds. I may not have been super skinny, but I was at least happier with my self image. I have hovered at that weight ever since.

So now we're back to today. After nearly 2 years of a rather sporadic workout routine, I'm ready to hop back to it. I have gained 20 pounds since my workout routine died in 2006 due to going to class for my HR Generalist License, then I got engaged so I wedding planned, and now I'm a grad student. I'm tired of feeling "huge" again. And the self image I have is skewed - I picture myself skinner than I really am.

Lately my chief complaint is about working out is, "I am not motivated." Well, after Sunday, I think I got a big push of motivation.

A very good friend of mine, Jennifer Navarrete, signed up to run in the San Antonio Rock 'N Roll half marathon. She didn't do any training (which, may or may not be a good thing); HOWEVER, she did it. It took her longer than other runners, but she was by no means last AND she finished!! I thought on Sunday, "If she can do it *without* training, then I can certainly do it with training!"

Yes, this means, I want to do a half marathon, too! But I'm very out of shape and it will definitely be baby steps. But I did get to the gym tonight. I'm excited to go tomorrow, too. I liked doing the bike today, actually. Feeling the burn actually felt good.

So, wish me luck, guys. I could use support. My ultimate goal this time isn't a certain weight - it's a certain size. I want to be a size 8. Why a size 8? I don't know. It's a single digit and it feels more achievable than a 4. I think it's attainable, even if it takes me a year to get there!

Texas Tech Beats UT, 39 - 33

Having lived in Lubbock most of my life (1986 - 2004), as well as being a graduate of Texas Tech University, I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of my Red Raiders! What a nail-biting game. Tonight proved that the underdog can win and we certainly made history with that extraordinary touchdown at the very end of the game.

Living in a college town, you live and breathe college sports. My family is huge into football, since both my dad, his brothers, and my brother played in high school. Growing up, occasionally my dad would get free tickets to games and we always routed for Tech. All my life, our biggest rivals have been Texas A&M and University of Texas. These were the games that the tickets could cost you nearly $500/piece just to go watch Tech lose. I always thought these two teams viewed us as decent competition, until I moved to South Texas.

After moving to San Antonio, I quickly realized that Texas A&M and University of Texas view us as if they are able to easily swat us away like we are some annoying fly. I never thought we were the buttholes of the Big 12, but since neither of these teams nor the fans have ever given Tech very much credit or respect, I rarely speak up about being a fan in this sea of burnt orange. Anymore it seems as if UT fans just *assume* they will win every game they play, so to them it doesn't matter what I say about my team. One day, as I am getting my hair done, I overheard a girl say how much she "hates Texas Tech."

Well, scoot over, Longhorns. Tonight, we were welcomed into the "Big Times" and you are no longer #1. And we earned every bit of our win. We played skillfully and hard, we played smart, and we did it with a lot of heart! I'm so proud to be a Red Raider tonight.

After our history-making win, I immediately thought about my grandpa. I really wish he were alive to have seen the game. He was a fan of Texas Tech simply because I went there. He lived in DC, but made sure to watch every televised game. Every time our team made national news, he'd mail me a newspaper clipping from the Washington Post. I'm so sorry he didn't get to see this. But maybe he heard me cheering from way down here.

What a win.
And what a night.

Wreck 'Em Tech. GO BIG RED!

My Anniversary!

So I have 9 days until my anniversary - 10/20!! I can't believe a year has passed so quickly! Last year at this time I was getting super antsy. " Just get it over, already" was all I was thinking. One of the girls I worked with had just gotten on the team (at work) and she told me all the stuff to expect. She wasn't a newlywed, but only been married about 3 years. She and her husband also went on a cruise for the honeymoon and she was like, "You're not going to sleep until you get on the boat!" When we got back I told her how right she was.

One thing that I wish I could do this year was go on another cruise. God, that was so much fun!! Since I've been to the Western Caribbean, now I want to go to the Eastern Caribbean. I think all those cruises leave out of Florida, though. Maybe me and Aloe-Ha can plan a vacation on one! Haha... though, we always make plans like, "Next year, we are SO going to Canada!" Or "Next summer, we are so going to Europe!" And, it has yet to happen. Slackers is what we are.

Well let's see what's happened this past year (that I can remember are some "milestones"):

• We both started school up again. I'm in grad school and Scott's finishing up his BFA.


• Scott bought a new car.


• Scott's step-dad passed away.


• Scott turned 31, I turned 29.


• We bought a house, even in this crappy ass economy.


• I sold my Firebird... :( :( :(


• We sold the truck.


• And I keep packing on pounds and he's the same weight. No fair! :P

Ok, so the weight thing isn't a "milestone" but I need to seriously do something about it. I really hate the way I look these days. Someone help hold me accountable! I don't want to be a chubs at Christmas.

Well for reminiscing purposes, here is the Shutterfly album I put up of our honeymoon photos.

Well, that's about it. Have a great Saturday!

Insomnia

Something is in the air and it's messing with my allergies. So much so that I'm horribly dizzy and can't fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes, I feel like I am on a rocking boat. And it's not a relaxing feeling.

I just checked the San Antonio allergy report. Ragweed, Chenopods, and Grass are "Medium-High" today. I think just about every time I've checked the allergy report because I've felt bad, I've seen these three pollens posted. :P

Guess it's just been a crappy evening. I started feeling bad, then went to the restroom only to see FIVE new pimples on my face. I used a new face wash this morning and I am certain my skin didn't like it. It was a trial size, but it's going in the trash! I'm so mad!! I put some Duac on my face (derm medication) to stop any new breakout from occurring. I'll probably use it for the next week or so. Thank God I still have some left.

Well guess I'll watch the rest of Chronicles of Riddick and try to fall asleep.

Nite!

Do I have to...

...go to work tomorrow?

Reasons for not going:

• Boss is annoying and smells bad.
  
• We started this personal productivity tracking tool and it sucks. 
  
• We were defined as a "service factory" the other day. Great. I'm a degreed individual working a mindless job, and really, I'm only a factory "line worker" but I sure as hell don't get paid as well as one.
  
• Never any "real" work and the day CRAWLS by.
  
• Everything with management is a damn secret.
• The company refuses to spend any money on us and it really shows.  You should see our PATHETIC cubicles.
  
• The place is just an overall depressing joint.

I need a new job and a new resume.  I hate this job hunting crap.

Mid-Year Review at Work - What a Joke

Music: Tori Amos / Cool On Your Island
Mood: Annoyed

I've been reading a bit about performance appraisals, and one thing I've read is that the feedback shouldn't be a "surprise." Well today I got a chance to sit with my new boss, my boss's boss, and have them give me my "Mid-Year Review." It really wasn't a mid-year review or a performance appraisal. It was mostly a session to ask me why I was "disengaged" from my job and, "Here's what you can do to make it easier for me, and here are things you need to work on." I also got my hands slapped for IMing and texting. Ok, IMing... that's something EVERYONE in the company does. It's something we use as a communication tool! Same goes for texting. The only person I sent a text to today during work this morning was my coworker who hadn't made it to work yet.

I was also shown "notes" my previous boss wrote about me and I was caught completely off guard about a few things I read. Apparently, I asked my former boss too many questions and because of that, I was "below average" when it came to understanding the business processes.

What. The. Hell.

I guess that's why at Christmas when I was at home with my family, he called to ask me how to do a few things for both clients I work on. And I suppose that's also why I made myself available by IM AND PHONE to assist my coworker when I was supposed to be out on PTO, which turned into me being on the phone for FOUR HOURS one afternoon. But whatever, I sure will sit on my ass and miss the contractual agreements we have with the client so my boss won't have to answer my questions. No skin off my nose. It's not like I'll get fired. It takes FOREVER to fire someone.

And another thing that came as a surprise, is he thought I couldn't differentiate "personal" problems and "work" problems. I most certainly can differentiate, thank you! What he might have meant was I tend to read *into* things, which, I know is a fault of mine. But saying I mix them is incorrect. Guess that's what I get for getting personal with people. Trust me, that won't happen anymore.

For the record, I HATE performance reviews. It's backwards thinking to me in that it focuses too much on the past and puts no emphasis on the future. It has nothing to do with the business goals or mission, and its completely irrelevant to salary increases. Salary increases are a whole separate process outside of appraisals, but when was the last time anyone saw a poor performer get the big salary increase?

And one of the reasons I hate performance appraisals at my job is because it's a forced ranking, which is the lazy way out for managers. They get to *choose* who's number 1, 2, 3, 4... etc. and don't really have to go through the process of who is good at what; they already have a template for that. Forced rankings are so much like a bell curve, which means there WILL be an "exceptional" rating, all the way down to the "bottom 10%." So it will make me work just hard enough not to be in the bottom 10% and screw the "exceptional."

In my previous job, my one-on-one's and performance reviews were just the manager's monthly rant of things I wasn't doing right. "Here are your monthly numbers... you're ok, but you really need to do more. Here is your quality. You're ok, but I think you should be at ___" and this was something I heard every month. The only "rewards" this company gave me were kiddie attendance awards, like attendance wasn't already expected.

When I lived in Lubbock, my performance appraisals were NEVER this painful. I think it's San Antonio in general. Companies are just stupid here, or maybe it's the higher I climb in Corporate America (which I'm not very high at all), the dumber people get.

Needless to say I'm looking for another job. Internal jobs are a freaking joke. I think I've applied for like 6 or 7 jobs internally and have been qualified for all, even if it wasn't hardcore experience, it was theoretical training I received; however, I have been turned down for all. I'm feverishly looking outside the company, too... but most companies in San Antonio aren't interested in my abilities or schooling; they just want the experience. So I'm pretty screwed. I'm ready to move to Dallas or another business hub.

Well, enough rambling. Good night.

Annoying New Boss, Job Starting to Suck

Music: Office Crush Revealed / Jobacle.com (The Working Podcast)
Mood: Tired

So I'm pretty irritated w/the new boss. She's made things so weird. She used to shake everyone's hand every morning until I said something. She's trying way too hard to "get to know us" and I'm just like... freaking back off. I really didn't appreciate when she took me out to lunch only to ask me questions about my family. :P Plus, she gets frustrated SO incredibly easy.

Random: ...I'm having a hard time writing this cuz not only is her behavior hard to put into words, this podcast has me hooked. Hearing about office romances is like... O_O Go here to listen.

Anyway, I started applying internally. I got an email back today saying one of the jobs I applied for was cancelled. Boo! :( It was the one I was interested in the most. I also started applying externally. I don't know if I can manage to stay in my department much longer. I really dislike the "new" boss simply because her style does not mesh with the rest of us.

AND, we are in a fast paced tech-savvy business. She'll leave stickies on our desk like we're supposed to respond to a sticky. Hello, use MS Outlook please and send us an invite..! She'll leave stickies like, "Please attend meeting at 2PM in room B7." What the hell? What if we lunch at 1 and we're still out at 2?? :P She's crazy and SO technologically stupid.

Well, I better get to my homework.

Scratch That...

So, I've had a bit more time to get to know my boss the whole two weeks she's been here. Let me say that she's kind of a freak. Sorry for saying that, but I'm getting tired of her unrelenting persistence to be so damn personal with everyone. And its like she wants *dirt* on everyone in the department. What gave her the idea I'm some sort of gossiper, I have no idea. I guess since I was the most accepting of her at first, she's totally latched on. But what's annoying is she wants to get to know everyone right now, right now, right now. It's like, geez... be patient!!! It's not like relationships are bonded over night. And for me, it takes quite awhile to get to know someone and to let them "in" so to speak. I usually have a pretty high wall I put up before I let anyone in. I have my exceptions, but, not this time.

Tomorrow I have a *one on one* with her. It's an "off site" working lunch, which I'm irritated about. I'm going to suggest Quizno's cuz at least I can get a salad there. But anyway, I'm terrified of the questions she's going to ask me. I've heard through the grapevine of some questions she's previously asked of people, like, "Does so and so have a degree?" My response would be, "Well fuck if I know... why don't you ask them??" I think she thinks we are all like best friends or something and hang out after work. Umm... that's a negative, ghost rider. My coworkers are just that - my coworkers! Some, I would hang out with in a heartbeat, we just haven't. Her on the other hand, I'm not so sure of. I was willing to give her a chance. Now that I have... yipe!

And, school is going to be the death of me. I love the idea of an MBA, but GAW, it's so hard!!! I felt like I turned in the most under-par assignments this weekend. I just didn't have the time or energy. Hopefully I'm over the hump. At least those are out of the way. The *big* projects now are the actual papers! They are due in a month, so I better get crackin'.

This weekend the father-in-law is coming to town. I'm excited cuz he's a LOT of fun. I don't know if many people like their in-law's. My mother-in-law is something else. She has her moments of crazy, but is a genuinely sweet person. And my father-in-law is just awesome. And I love his girlfriend. I hope this one sticks!!! I need to make sure I get my homework done this WEEK so I can actually enjoy my weekend. I want to try to go to the gym this week to. I need a good 2 weeks of straight cardio.....

Well, the final news of the day is my parents adopted the SWEETEST kitten. Supposedly, she's half Siamese. She's only 6 weeks old and has adorable blue eyes, but you can't see it in this photo. I think the jury is still out on her name, but so far, my Mom has a real like for the name"Lexi." :)

Well, I have some laundry and a full glass of red wine to finish. Ciao! :)

New Boss at Work

Music: See You On The Other Side / BT
Mood: Tired

So, we have a new boss at work. She's Hispanic, probably in her late 40s or so, heavy set, and probably around 5'5". She looks (and smells) very manly. Not that I have any problems with that. But I will say that she had a pretty *mean* look on her face one of the first times I saw her, so the scaredy cat me became intimidated. Though, the more I've talked to her, the more cool she seems and I'm beginning to really like her.

Lately though, members of my team are starting to remind me of why I hate the human race at times. They'll ask me my thoughts of her, as if they care, only to turn around and say, "Well, it's just so weird she's so open about being gay. I don't agree with it and it makes me feel strange. I just want to say 'Uhh' when she says anything about it." Well OH MY GOD. It's not like she asked anyone to be gay along with her... Frankly, I think it was smart of her to tell us upfront; it puts an immediate stop to the "gossip" that would undoubtedly occur if she hid that fact. In my mind, it adds a more genuine honest quality to her. I am definitely not gay, but really, whether or not you agree with homosexuality, that is the way she is... take it or leave it. It's so aggravating to see them whisper at each other like a bunch of high school kids. I want to tell them to shut up; she's the boss now so just DEAL! It's so frustrating to me when people are so close-minded. What's so funny is, we of all people should be accepting of diversity - we are a GLOBAL company for God sake!


I grew up in a VERY Conservative household. One thing my parents instilled in me was the ability to always love and accept everyone, no matter their differences. Heck, my parents are an interracial couple and I am a byproduct, as such. I guess it just really hit home after discussing this stuff with my team. It's like, when a person is any kind of different, they are subject to persecution... I don't know why, but it reminded me of being in 6th grade. I was picked on because I was different from the other blonde's and I didn't have cowboy parents. Now I feel like I'm having to defend her and I shouldn't.

Going back to my Conservative household, marriage was always assumed to be between a man and a woman. It was something I never really questioned. But I figure, if people love each other, then, why stop them from being happy? Who are we to stop them from spending their lives with the people that make them the most complete? Anyway, my point wasn't to start a political debate. I'm just annoyed with my coworkers not giving her a chance because she's different from them. Maybe I'll just use this as my opportunity to get to know her well. Maybe she can be the springboard I need to launch myself more fully into my HR career.

Well, better get to bed.