Trying weight loss (seriously) again.

For many of you that know me, you know that I have always battled my weight. When I was a child, I was always the fat girl that the guys "made friends with" because I wasn't much of a threat. I was "cool" but not pretty - and heavier than the beautiful, dainty girls.

I'm one of those people that has to consistently work out or I will gain weight no matter what I eat. For the most part, I hate exercise. I was on the tennis team in high school, but doing anything physical for the team was a serious chore. I was excited when I went to college, because I didn't *have* to do anything physical!

As a result, I ballooned - and not just your freshman 15. I gained 40 pounds my freshman year in college. I was a small 12 when I met and began dating my now husband, but a husky 18 at the end of my freshman year. Part of my issue was never having a *real* boyfriend. I wanted to spend time with him. It seemed we ate out just about every night because that was the only time we could actually be together - I lived at home and so did he. We were unwelcome at my parents house and his dad always ate our groceries.

Fast forward 4 years later (2002) to when I graduated. I put on a happy face (because getting a Bachelor's is a very large accomplishment.) But, it was probably one of the most *unhappy* points in my life. The reason? At my absolute heaviest, I broke the scale at 207 pounds. (Wow. I've never admitted my weight to anyone.) But, here I was, about to "start my life" and I'm HUGE. Finding "professional" looking suits was so incredibly depressing. I stuck to wearing all black, semi stretchy dresses and I had "cankles" that I hated showing off when I wore anything that showed skin.

In 2003, I decided enough was enough. My husband (then boyfriend) moved to San Antonio to find a job. I found myself very bored back in Lubbock. All my friends were in Dallas and my love was 400 miles away. I thought I'd surprise him the next time we saw each other by starting an exercise regimen coupled with eating right. My commitment was high - I even went to the gym on Saturday's. It took me about 7 months to lose 50 pounds. I may not have been super skinny, but I was at least happier with my self image. I have hovered at that weight ever since.

So now we're back to today. After nearly 2 years of a rather sporadic workout routine, I'm ready to hop back to it. I have gained 20 pounds since my workout routine died in 2006 due to going to class for my HR Generalist License, then I got engaged so I wedding planned, and now I'm a grad student. I'm tired of feeling "huge" again. And the self image I have is skewed - I picture myself skinner than I really am.

Lately my chief complaint is about working out is, "I am not motivated." Well, after Sunday, I think I got a big push of motivation.

A very good friend of mine, Jennifer Navarrete, signed up to run in the San Antonio Rock 'N Roll half marathon. She didn't do any training (which, may or may not be a good thing); HOWEVER, she did it. It took her longer than other runners, but she was by no means last AND she finished!! I thought on Sunday, "If she can do it *without* training, then I can certainly do it with training!"

Yes, this means, I want to do a half marathon, too! But I'm very out of shape and it will definitely be baby steps. But I did get to the gym tonight. I'm excited to go tomorrow, too. I liked doing the bike today, actually. Feeling the burn actually felt good.

So, wish me luck, guys. I could use support. My ultimate goal this time isn't a certain weight - it's a certain size. I want to be a size 8. Why a size 8? I don't know. It's a single digit and it feels more achievable than a 4. I think it's attainable, even if it takes me a year to get there!